november rain, a year later.

Rain, cure every inch of worry.
Bless every step in the long path.
Leave sorrow, prepare for tomorrow
Flying away, throwing away the burden
Writing a rhapsody, daydreaming...


Sometimes things are way too far from perfection, beyond expectation.
With a little faith and enormous efforts, miracle happens
dreams do come true, prepare for the sunlight

Love,

Big dreamer, enthusiastic doer :)

man behind the gun

Human beings must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.

Albert Einstein

There's always a man behind the gun. The one who pulls out the trigger, so the bullet could strike the target. Our body is a system. It's like a tool, and these whole systems are being ordered and monitored by our brain. Every steps that we take, every decisions that we've made it came from ourselves. We are the one who pulled out the trigger, we are the man who did the action. Other people may say things, they have a rights to give their voice. But at the end of the day, it will back to us. We need to trust ourselves, trust our instinct, let our brains order the system, so the bullet won't miss the target. Because we are the man behind the gun and it will always be.

remarkable love story

The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. 

Jane Austen

Jane Austen, love story and happy ending. She made some beautiful stories. I bet you know the famous one, Pride and Prejudice, or Sense and Sensibility, or Emma, or Persuasion, and more. On Becoming Jane, Jane Austen (played by Anne Hathaway) says “My characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire”. If you read or watched Pride and Prejudice, or Sense and Sensibility, all the characters are eventually end up together with the men they loved, live happily ever after. I haven’t got a chance to finish Pride and Prejudice novel, but the movie tells much.

I watched Becoming Jane today for the third time. I laughed, I cried, and sighed at the same scene (last scene where Jane met another Jane, daughter of Tom Lefroy). Watching a remarkable love story of Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy, gives an agony and contentment at the same time. She loved the man. She believed that affection is a must in every relationship, but she gave up her love, because she cared too much with his family, his life. She died at 41, unmarried. What about Tom Lefroy? He eventually married with Mary Paul, but he named his eldest daughter Jane Christmas Lefroy. Thoughts? After Jane Austen? Well yes according to Becoming Jane. The truth? Nobody knows.

Again, nobody knows exactly how much she was in love with him, but according to her letter to her sister, Cassandra (who also remained unmarried), we can tell that there’s something between them.

"At length the Day is come on which I am to flirt my last with Tom Lefroy, & when you receive this it will be over--My tears flow as I write, at the melancholy idea."

letter to Cassandra
January 15, 1796 [2]

You can read the rests here

Jane Austen began to write First Impression (later Pride and Prejudice) after she met Tom Lefroy, some believe the main characters, Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy reflect Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy, their stories, how they met, but she gave Elizabeth her truly desire, Mr. Darcy.

My point is there’s always a reason behind an action, Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy didn’t end up together, but it’s for their own good, I suppose. If (I said IF) they ended up together, maybe (I also said MAYBE) we will never get a chance to read her amazing novels. 

S A F E T Y

Better a thousand times careful than once dead.

Proverb

hey people, please THINK!!

today, i had a very bad day! i wished i could went back home before late, but i found out that TransJakarta, destination to Ragunan were not temporarily operating.

a minute later, my mom told me that there was an accident earlier. a 5-yo kid was dead because he was accidentally crashed by TransJakarta.

you can read the news here

after that accident, local people has blockaded the bus-way, and you can tell the impact; hundreds (or maybe thousands, i was one of the victim) of people were neglected, they can't return back to their home, they have been depending their daily-transportation with TransJakarta, and because of this accident, they had to find another alternatives.

i'm not saying that the driver was innocent, he has to pay attention to the road in the first place, so this accident won't happen, I also would like to send my deepest condolences to his family, but come on, you know the rules, there are HUNDREDS OF BRIDGES here in Jakarta for Heaven's sake (sorry, i'm exaggerating). you can use that. people should not cross the road whenever they want to. it's FORBIDDEN ! Note that ! you can easily find the nearest JPO (Jembatan Penyeberangan Orang), it may takes several minutes (3 minutes max, i counted it), but it's safe.

come on, let's change this habit, use the JPO, our lives are way more precious than the idea of crossing the road freely, and out of the blue the giant bus just stormed out, then BANG, you're in different world now, seriously? seriously?! SERIOUSLY!?

define 'happy ending' ...!

"each happy ending is a brand new beginning"

Ever Ever After

people,
how do you explain 'happy ending'?
how do you picture your 'happy ending' scene?
when you finally decided to tie the knot with your 'the-one', is that 'happy ending'?

i googled 'define happy ending', and here's the first definition (from the list) of 'happy ending' :

"A happy ending is an ending of the plot of a work of fiction in which almost everything turns out for the best for the hero or heroine, their sidekicks, and almost everyone except the villains."

so, people are the one who create 'happy ending', and based on that definition, 'happy ending' doesn't mean that the main actors finally lived happily ever after (together), i suppose. When i asked my friends for movie recommendation, sometimes i get "but, it's a 'sad ending', laa, they're not together" sentence, ooh, it's okay then, i still want to watch the movie.

Well, as a viewer (and) dreamer who grew up with Disney's Princess' Fairytale, i assume that it has built my definition of 'happy ending'. The Princess will live happily ever after with the Prince Charming, and the bad one will be punished of what has he done. But as I grow up, i realize that life is not that simple, you can't just begging for help and suddenly out of nowhere your prince charming will finally save you from the villain, and voila! you'll finally be together. hey! the truth is life is pain in the ass.! There's a loads of considerations, choices, and many things that matters. You can't just meet a fine man on the street, and few days later you're end up together, oooh, grow up.!

So when Rory Gilmore rejected Logan Huntzberger's proposal, or when Lorelai Gilmore broke up with Luke Danes though she's still in love with him, or when Izzie Stevens left Alex Karev after she was cured from cancer, or when Beth and Adam decided to run their lives in different city, or when all women in Guido's life left him, or when Sophie and Julien put an end to their life together, that's not exactly 'sad ending' for me, i reckon the director has their own perspective of happy-ending, because they still live happily-ever-after (with their own ways) though they're not end up together.

what's my 'happy ending' scene?

aah, only God knows. *sigh*

hello stranger..

“The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past.”

William Faulkener

Last few days, I got tiny surprises from universe; people from the past have marched into my life. Some were (too) nice, some were unexpectedly annoying, and some were confusing. Those people played important role in some chapters of my life, it’s like ages, haven’t heard from them, haven’t read from them, and all of the sudden they rebounded at almost same time.

I could hardly ignore them though some of them were quite distressing. But, how could it happen? Universe seems telling me that I could not erase what’s in the past, and only care about present or future time. There’s always a reason behind an action, the reappearance from those people might be a sign of unresolved things from the past that could affect my future. But my question here, how we deal with those people? It’s been a long effing time; you could not just be super nice, because it’s weird, pretty weird.

diamonds are not girl's best friend anymore

by the time my feet touched that place, i knew i was entering a new different world.

i grew up in (you can call it) the suburb, where (as my gay-best-friend said) everything was like a "pretty-candy-powerpuff-world" (yes. i hate you, dear!). well, i met some people who secretly chose a different path for their orientation. but, as a kid and naive teenager, it didn't bug me much.

as the time went by, when i was applying for one particular university, the "LGBT" started to convey who they are. some of my friends, even members of family warned me about this issue, they tried to convince me to choose another institution. But hey, you could not be apathetic, and keep avoiding this issue. now, we are living in a different world, so what's wrong with them? They're still human. Some changes have occurred, environment, social life has affected human’s identity, and that there are some “sexual minorities”.
ok. Some has already accepted this identity, but there are some people who still interpret this gender issues as their own terms, "resistance identity" group. but hey, we live in a democratic world, there’s no point of avoiding the existence of LGBT. It’s about human’s identity.

so? what's wrong with having gay friends? some of them become my close friends, we respect each other, and still living in our chosen path (yes! i still love man). oooh, they can give you suggestions, tricks to find a good man :)

so.. enough with those smirks and snorts, because when you are still busy making a big cover of your identity, they have already shined as they way they are *yes, i mean you, dear :D*


for additional reading : this and Human Communication by Littlejohn and Foss about "Queer Theory".

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Maya Angelou

the market day

i really enjoy shopping in Bali's art market. You can find many colorful, unique things, and the most important is the price is extremely affordable. i secretly took some pictures, aah, i wish i have more stocks of this. 

nothing lasts forever

"everything in life is temporary"

unknown

realize or not, the word "will" if it being used with the word "forever" will turned out to be one shit of bullshit. as a naive teenager, when it comes to relationship, new partner, the couple often use the word "will" and followed by "forever". "i will always love you, forever", "i will never leave you, forever", "i will be at your side, forever", and other "will, forever"s.

i ever used that word ONCE. and it turned out completely rubbish. the ideal and perfect sentence changed into "oh yes, i will hate you, forever". was that really forever? no, because as time went by, i just felt nothing. not love, or even hate. it's just a matter of time. nothing lasts forever. So, will and forever are not a best pair, especially when it comes into the love/hate situation. just enjoy the process. because time will heal the wounds.

how do we perceive reality ?

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world"

Morpheus, The Matrix

"how do we perceive reality?"

few weeks ago, my professor asked this question. he also showed us a video which describe our simulation-world. back to the question, so how can we perceive the reality? well, i thought it was pretty hard to answer, because i believe that reality is something that you couldn't describe. people always say that we live in the reality, but can they describe what is exactly the reality?

i gave a complete weird answer to my professor, i said that "we couldn't describe what the reality is. people has their own perception of their reality. if they are such a dreamer, maybe they would live in their dreamworld, they would believe in what they want to believe, and live as they want to live. but if they are such an idealist person, maybe they only lived in good or bad views.". ha! and i thought that was pretty lame.! duh!

according to my professor, there are several movies that have a better explanation on how do we perceive reality, such as The Matrix (he told that it gives the best explanation, but still i couldn't find it), Inception, and eternal sunshine on the spotless mind (which i really couldn't understand every single scene of this movie! extremely confusing). Well, these movies are telling about people who apparently live in 2 different world, real world and his imagination. one day he lived in his daily-routine and the other day he has been trapped in indescribable situation where you could change everything as you command. but you couldn't tell which world where you relly touch your ground.

simple explanation was given by my super genius professor. he said that reality is something that your mind tells that it is true, you believe that's true, and also you can sense it with your sense. you can touch it, smell it, feel it, taste it.

so. it's your choice, your risk, your agony to live in this simulation.