diamonds are not girl's best friend anymore

by the time my feet touched that place, i knew i was entering a new different world.

i grew up in (you can call it) the suburb, where (as my gay-best-friend said) everything was like a "pretty-candy-powerpuff-world" (yes. i hate you, dear!). well, i met some people who secretly chose a different path for their orientation. but, as a kid and naive teenager, it didn't bug me much.

as the time went by, when i was applying for one particular university, the "LGBT" started to convey who they are. some of my friends, even members of family warned me about this issue, they tried to convince me to choose another institution. But hey, you could not be apathetic, and keep avoiding this issue. now, we are living in a different world, so what's wrong with them? They're still human. Some changes have occurred, environment, social life has affected human’s identity, and that there are some “sexual minorities”.
ok. Some has already accepted this identity, but there are some people who still interpret this gender issues as their own terms, "resistance identity" group. but hey, we live in a democratic world, there’s no point of avoiding the existence of LGBT. It’s about human’s identity.

so? what's wrong with having gay friends? some of them become my close friends, we respect each other, and still living in our chosen path (yes! i still love man). oooh, they can give you suggestions, tricks to find a good man :)

so.. enough with those smirks and snorts, because when you are still busy making a big cover of your identity, they have already shined as they way they are *yes, i mean you, dear :D*


for additional reading : this and Human Communication by Littlejohn and Foss about "Queer Theory".

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Maya Angelou

the market day

i really enjoy shopping in Bali's art market. You can find many colorful, unique things, and the most important is the price is extremely affordable. i secretly took some pictures, aah, i wish i have more stocks of this. 

nothing lasts forever

"everything in life is temporary"

unknown

realize or not, the word "will" if it being used with the word "forever" will turned out to be one shit of bullshit. as a naive teenager, when it comes to relationship, new partner, the couple often use the word "will" and followed by "forever". "i will always love you, forever", "i will never leave you, forever", "i will be at your side, forever", and other "will, forever"s.

i ever used that word ONCE. and it turned out completely rubbish. the ideal and perfect sentence changed into "oh yes, i will hate you, forever". was that really forever? no, because as time went by, i just felt nothing. not love, or even hate. it's just a matter of time. nothing lasts forever. So, will and forever are not a best pair, especially when it comes into the love/hate situation. just enjoy the process. because time will heal the wounds.

how do we perceive reality ?

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world"

Morpheus, The Matrix

"how do we perceive reality?"

few weeks ago, my professor asked this question. he also showed us a video which describe our simulation-world. back to the question, so how can we perceive the reality? well, i thought it was pretty hard to answer, because i believe that reality is something that you couldn't describe. people always say that we live in the reality, but can they describe what is exactly the reality?

i gave a complete weird answer to my professor, i said that "we couldn't describe what the reality is. people has their own perception of their reality. if they are such a dreamer, maybe they would live in their dreamworld, they would believe in what they want to believe, and live as they want to live. but if they are such an idealist person, maybe they only lived in good or bad views.". ha! and i thought that was pretty lame.! duh!

according to my professor, there are several movies that have a better explanation on how do we perceive reality, such as The Matrix (he told that it gives the best explanation, but still i couldn't find it), Inception, and eternal sunshine on the spotless mind (which i really couldn't understand every single scene of this movie! extremely confusing). Well, these movies are telling about people who apparently live in 2 different world, real world and his imagination. one day he lived in his daily-routine and the other day he has been trapped in indescribable situation where you could change everything as you command. but you couldn't tell which world where you relly touch your ground.

simple explanation was given by my super genius professor. he said that reality is something that your mind tells that it is true, you believe that's true, and also you can sense it with your sense. you can touch it, smell it, feel it, taste it.

so. it's your choice, your risk, your agony to live in this simulation.

because you are my best.

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

Washington Irving

you are the one who carried me through day and night.
you are the one who took the risk so i could smell the air.
you are the one who fed me up when i was too weak to swallow.
you are the one who sang me a lullaby.
you are the one who gently caressed me when i was crying.
you are the one who patiently woke up in the middle of the night to watch me.
you are the one who secretly kissed me when i was asleep.
you are the one who teaches me the good and bad
you are the one who cheered me up when i'm down
you are the one who tenderly nursed me when i was sick
you are the one who publicly tells that you're proud of me
you are the one who hid your tears to make me strong
you are the one who supports me to chase my dreams
you are the one who provides everything i need
you are the one who shed my tears when i fell
you are the one who read my mind
you are the one who covers me in the rainy day
you are the one who sacrificed your freedom for me
you are the one who held me so tight when i was weak.
you are the one who stays late just to open the gate for me
you are the one who argues with me
you are the one who sleeps next to me

you are my very best friend
you are my supermom
you are my guardian angel
you are my number one supporter
you are my life
you are my mom.


you have filled me everything i need.


this breezy morning, i came to your bed and kissed you softly.
whispered "happy Mother's Day, i love you, ibu".


your daughter.

Chapter 22 :

December, 19th 2010.
03.16 AM

dear Lord Jesus,
thank you for the wonderful journey that you gave me in previous year.
i'm thankful for every moment that i've been through, every step that i've taken, the ups and downs, bitter or sweet memories.
i'm just a little girl who just opened the new chapter of my life.
i'm not wishing for the stars, nor the moon.
this year, i need your guidance, and strength to run this utter world, to chase my dreams.
i'm absolutely nothing without You.

please, bless my family, bless my friends, all the people that i loved.
You've sent them to me, to bring joy and cheer, to lift me through good times and bad times.
i wanna be a good person, to care and love them all.

i believe that you've prepared a new adventures for me. a new chapter.
achievements, obstacles, tears and joy, i would enjoy every second of it.

dear Lord Jesus,
i slip a little prayer for one superwoman.
she's my bestfriend, my guardian angel, my beloved mother.
bless her, watch her.
i wouldn't be here without her.
she might has wrinkles and grey hair, but she will always be my best friend, my supermom.

dear Lord Jesus,
send me Your Angel, give me Your light.
i'm a little girl who eager to know Your plan.
i'm a litlle girl who ready to start Your plan.
i'm a little girl who just opened a new chapter of life.
Chapter 22.

thank you.