Carpe Diem !

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

Mahatma Gandhi

All these things in the world is like a never-ending circle
Don't ever ask for answers or even conclusion
Life is a mystery, every brand new day is a new journey
Every moment in the past will always be a hidden chapter of our lives
You might run, but you can't hide
You might forgive, but you can't forget
We are human being, we have heart, we have soul
We think, we act, we love, we hurt
We are the one who make our own happiness, in contrary, we also the one who create our own misery
It's important to seize the day, cherish the moment, live in the present and be grateful of what we have today
Because we never know what tomorrow brings.

serendipity

a fortunate accident.

it might just a simple accident that leads to happiness.

but it is a destiny, a fate, which designed to be.

serendipity, if it's meant to be, it will be.

overrated.

what is loneliness?
what is happiness?

november rain, a year later.

Rain, cure every inch of worry.
Bless every step in the long path.
Leave sorrow, prepare for tomorrow
Flying away, throwing away the burden
Writing a rhapsody, daydreaming...


Sometimes things are way too far from perfection, beyond expectation.
With a little faith and enormous efforts, miracle happens
dreams do come true, prepare for the sunlight

Love,

Big dreamer, enthusiastic doer :)

man behind the gun

Human beings must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.

Albert Einstein

There's always a man behind the gun. The one who pulls out the trigger, so the bullet could strike the target. Our body is a system. It's like a tool, and these whole systems are being ordered and monitored by our brain. Every steps that we take, every decisions that we've made it came from ourselves. We are the one who pulled out the trigger, we are the man who did the action. Other people may say things, they have a rights to give their voice. But at the end of the day, it will back to us. We need to trust ourselves, trust our instinct, let our brains order the system, so the bullet won't miss the target. Because we are the man behind the gun and it will always be.

remarkable love story

The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. 

Jane Austen

Jane Austen, love story and happy ending. She made some beautiful stories. I bet you know the famous one, Pride and Prejudice, or Sense and Sensibility, or Emma, or Persuasion, and more. On Becoming Jane, Jane Austen (played by Anne Hathaway) says “My characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire”. If you read or watched Pride and Prejudice, or Sense and Sensibility, all the characters are eventually end up together with the men they loved, live happily ever after. I haven’t got a chance to finish Pride and Prejudice novel, but the movie tells much.

I watched Becoming Jane today for the third time. I laughed, I cried, and sighed at the same scene (last scene where Jane met another Jane, daughter of Tom Lefroy). Watching a remarkable love story of Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy, gives an agony and contentment at the same time. She loved the man. She believed that affection is a must in every relationship, but she gave up her love, because she cared too much with his family, his life. She died at 41, unmarried. What about Tom Lefroy? He eventually married with Mary Paul, but he named his eldest daughter Jane Christmas Lefroy. Thoughts? After Jane Austen? Well yes according to Becoming Jane. The truth? Nobody knows.

Again, nobody knows exactly how much she was in love with him, but according to her letter to her sister, Cassandra (who also remained unmarried), we can tell that there’s something between them.

"At length the Day is come on which I am to flirt my last with Tom Lefroy, & when you receive this it will be over--My tears flow as I write, at the melancholy idea."

letter to Cassandra
January 15, 1796 [2]

You can read the rests here

Jane Austen began to write First Impression (later Pride and Prejudice) after she met Tom Lefroy, some believe the main characters, Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy reflect Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy, their stories, how they met, but she gave Elizabeth her truly desire, Mr. Darcy.

My point is there’s always a reason behind an action, Jane Austen and Tom Lefroy didn’t end up together, but it’s for their own good, I suppose. If (I said IF) they ended up together, maybe (I also said MAYBE) we will never get a chance to read her amazing novels. 

S A F E T Y

Better a thousand times careful than once dead.

Proverb

hey people, please THINK!!

today, i had a very bad day! i wished i could went back home before late, but i found out that TransJakarta, destination to Ragunan were not temporarily operating.

a minute later, my mom told me that there was an accident earlier. a 5-yo kid was dead because he was accidentally crashed by TransJakarta.

you can read the news here

after that accident, local people has blockaded the bus-way, and you can tell the impact; hundreds (or maybe thousands, i was one of the victim) of people were neglected, they can't return back to their home, they have been depending their daily-transportation with TransJakarta, and because of this accident, they had to find another alternatives.

i'm not saying that the driver was innocent, he has to pay attention to the road in the first place, so this accident won't happen, I also would like to send my deepest condolences to his family, but come on, you know the rules, there are HUNDREDS OF BRIDGES here in Jakarta for Heaven's sake (sorry, i'm exaggerating). you can use that. people should not cross the road whenever they want to. it's FORBIDDEN ! Note that ! you can easily find the nearest JPO (Jembatan Penyeberangan Orang), it may takes several minutes (3 minutes max, i counted it), but it's safe.

come on, let's change this habit, use the JPO, our lives are way more precious than the idea of crossing the road freely, and out of the blue the giant bus just stormed out, then BANG, you're in different world now, seriously? seriously?! SERIOUSLY!?

define 'happy ending' ...!

"each happy ending is a brand new beginning"

Ever Ever After

people,
how do you explain 'happy ending'?
how do you picture your 'happy ending' scene?
when you finally decided to tie the knot with your 'the-one', is that 'happy ending'?

i googled 'define happy ending', and here's the first definition (from the list) of 'happy ending' :

"A happy ending is an ending of the plot of a work of fiction in which almost everything turns out for the best for the hero or heroine, their sidekicks, and almost everyone except the villains."

so, people are the one who create 'happy ending', and based on that definition, 'happy ending' doesn't mean that the main actors finally lived happily ever after (together), i suppose. When i asked my friends for movie recommendation, sometimes i get "but, it's a 'sad ending', laa, they're not together" sentence, ooh, it's okay then, i still want to watch the movie.

Well, as a viewer (and) dreamer who grew up with Disney's Princess' Fairytale, i assume that it has built my definition of 'happy ending'. The Princess will live happily ever after with the Prince Charming, and the bad one will be punished of what has he done. But as I grow up, i realize that life is not that simple, you can't just begging for help and suddenly out of nowhere your prince charming will finally save you from the villain, and voila! you'll finally be together. hey! the truth is life is pain in the ass.! There's a loads of considerations, choices, and many things that matters. You can't just meet a fine man on the street, and few days later you're end up together, oooh, grow up.!

So when Rory Gilmore rejected Logan Huntzberger's proposal, or when Lorelai Gilmore broke up with Luke Danes though she's still in love with him, or when Izzie Stevens left Alex Karev after she was cured from cancer, or when Beth and Adam decided to run their lives in different city, or when all women in Guido's life left him, or when Sophie and Julien put an end to their life together, that's not exactly 'sad ending' for me, i reckon the director has their own perspective of happy-ending, because they still live happily-ever-after (with their own ways) though they're not end up together.

what's my 'happy ending' scene?

aah, only God knows. *sigh*

hello stranger..

“The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past.”

William Faulkener

Last few days, I got tiny surprises from universe; people from the past have marched into my life. Some were (too) nice, some were unexpectedly annoying, and some were confusing. Those people played important role in some chapters of my life, it’s like ages, haven’t heard from them, haven’t read from them, and all of the sudden they rebounded at almost same time.

I could hardly ignore them though some of them were quite distressing. But, how could it happen? Universe seems telling me that I could not erase what’s in the past, and only care about present or future time. There’s always a reason behind an action, the reappearance from those people might be a sign of unresolved things from the past that could affect my future. But my question here, how we deal with those people? It’s been a long effing time; you could not just be super nice, because it’s weird, pretty weird.

diamonds are not girl's best friend anymore

by the time my feet touched that place, i knew i was entering a new different world.

i grew up in (you can call it) the suburb, where (as my gay-best-friend said) everything was like a "pretty-candy-powerpuff-world" (yes. i hate you, dear!). well, i met some people who secretly chose a different path for their orientation. but, as a kid and naive teenager, it didn't bug me much.

as the time went by, when i was applying for one particular university, the "LGBT" started to convey who they are. some of my friends, even members of family warned me about this issue, they tried to convince me to choose another institution. But hey, you could not be apathetic, and keep avoiding this issue. now, we are living in a different world, so what's wrong with them? They're still human. Some changes have occurred, environment, social life has affected human’s identity, and that there are some “sexual minorities”.
ok. Some has already accepted this identity, but there are some people who still interpret this gender issues as their own terms, "resistance identity" group. but hey, we live in a democratic world, there’s no point of avoiding the existence of LGBT. It’s about human’s identity.

so? what's wrong with having gay friends? some of them become my close friends, we respect each other, and still living in our chosen path (yes! i still love man). oooh, they can give you suggestions, tricks to find a good man :)

so.. enough with those smirks and snorts, because when you are still busy making a big cover of your identity, they have already shined as they way they are *yes, i mean you, dear :D*


for additional reading : this and Human Communication by Littlejohn and Foss about "Queer Theory".

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Maya Angelou

the market day

i really enjoy shopping in Bali's art market. You can find many colorful, unique things, and the most important is the price is extremely affordable. i secretly took some pictures, aah, i wish i have more stocks of this. 

nothing lasts forever

"everything in life is temporary"

unknown

realize or not, the word "will" if it being used with the word "forever" will turned out to be one shit of bullshit. as a naive teenager, when it comes to relationship, new partner, the couple often use the word "will" and followed by "forever". "i will always love you, forever", "i will never leave you, forever", "i will be at your side, forever", and other "will, forever"s.

i ever used that word ONCE. and it turned out completely rubbish. the ideal and perfect sentence changed into "oh yes, i will hate you, forever". was that really forever? no, because as time went by, i just felt nothing. not love, or even hate. it's just a matter of time. nothing lasts forever. So, will and forever are not a best pair, especially when it comes into the love/hate situation. just enjoy the process. because time will heal the wounds.

how do we perceive reality ?

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world"

Morpheus, The Matrix

"how do we perceive reality?"

few weeks ago, my professor asked this question. he also showed us a video which describe our simulation-world. back to the question, so how can we perceive the reality? well, i thought it was pretty hard to answer, because i believe that reality is something that you couldn't describe. people always say that we live in the reality, but can they describe what is exactly the reality?

i gave a complete weird answer to my professor, i said that "we couldn't describe what the reality is. people has their own perception of their reality. if they are such a dreamer, maybe they would live in their dreamworld, they would believe in what they want to believe, and live as they want to live. but if they are such an idealist person, maybe they only lived in good or bad views.". ha! and i thought that was pretty lame.! duh!

according to my professor, there are several movies that have a better explanation on how do we perceive reality, such as The Matrix (he told that it gives the best explanation, but still i couldn't find it), Inception, and eternal sunshine on the spotless mind (which i really couldn't understand every single scene of this movie! extremely confusing). Well, these movies are telling about people who apparently live in 2 different world, real world and his imagination. one day he lived in his daily-routine and the other day he has been trapped in indescribable situation where you could change everything as you command. but you couldn't tell which world where you relly touch your ground.

simple explanation was given by my super genius professor. he said that reality is something that your mind tells that it is true, you believe that's true, and also you can sense it with your sense. you can touch it, smell it, feel it, taste it.

so. it's your choice, your risk, your agony to live in this simulation.

because you are my best.

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

Washington Irving

you are the one who carried me through day and night.
you are the one who took the risk so i could smell the air.
you are the one who fed me up when i was too weak to swallow.
you are the one who sang me a lullaby.
you are the one who gently caressed me when i was crying.
you are the one who patiently woke up in the middle of the night to watch me.
you are the one who secretly kissed me when i was asleep.
you are the one who teaches me the good and bad
you are the one who cheered me up when i'm down
you are the one who tenderly nursed me when i was sick
you are the one who publicly tells that you're proud of me
you are the one who hid your tears to make me strong
you are the one who supports me to chase my dreams
you are the one who provides everything i need
you are the one who shed my tears when i fell
you are the one who read my mind
you are the one who covers me in the rainy day
you are the one who sacrificed your freedom for me
you are the one who held me so tight when i was weak.
you are the one who stays late just to open the gate for me
you are the one who argues with me
you are the one who sleeps next to me

you are my very best friend
you are my supermom
you are my guardian angel
you are my number one supporter
you are my life
you are my mom.


you have filled me everything i need.


this breezy morning, i came to your bed and kissed you softly.
whispered "happy Mother's Day, i love you, ibu".


your daughter.

Chapter 22 :

December, 19th 2010.
03.16 AM

dear Lord Jesus,
thank you for the wonderful journey that you gave me in previous year.
i'm thankful for every moment that i've been through, every step that i've taken, the ups and downs, bitter or sweet memories.
i'm just a little girl who just opened the new chapter of my life.
i'm not wishing for the stars, nor the moon.
this year, i need your guidance, and strength to run this utter world, to chase my dreams.
i'm absolutely nothing without You.

please, bless my family, bless my friends, all the people that i loved.
You've sent them to me, to bring joy and cheer, to lift me through good times and bad times.
i wanna be a good person, to care and love them all.

i believe that you've prepared a new adventures for me. a new chapter.
achievements, obstacles, tears and joy, i would enjoy every second of it.

dear Lord Jesus,
i slip a little prayer for one superwoman.
she's my bestfriend, my guardian angel, my beloved mother.
bless her, watch her.
i wouldn't be here without her.
she might has wrinkles and grey hair, but she will always be my best friend, my supermom.

dear Lord Jesus,
send me Your Angel, give me Your light.
i'm a little girl who eager to know Your plan.
i'm a litlle girl who ready to start Your plan.
i'm a little girl who just opened a new chapter of life.
Chapter 22.

thank you.

colour of diversity

Diversity is not about how we differ. Diversity is about embracing one another's uniqueness.

Ola Joseph

when we were a kid, school, parents told us about appreciate the differences, negociate the cultural challenges in society, tolerate it. religion also taught about 'respect' each other.

diversity is something that we could not resist. If someone has asked the diversity question, people always answer with "ooh yeah, we have to respect each other, diversity will make our life more colorful, etc". But sometimes i wonder, that's only a bullshit answer. when you get back to your family's value and culture, they will order you to have a partner who has the same culture with you. that's the platinum rule.

so, what's the point of diversity, respect, appreciate that they've been taught to us since we were a kid? in the end, it's always come back to stereotype, generalization, and hegemony. ebony will always be with ebony, and so does ivory. if there's a chance ebony end up with ivory, again, society will see that differently.

i'm so sick of these. i grew up in a multicultural environment. i have bunch of friends with a different ethnic, there's no majority and minority. we respect each other, and we negotiate our identity and cultural differences. i can learn other's culture, and vice versa. but when it comes to a big family gathering (and they're coming from a place that one culture is a majority) it will back to generalization and stereotyping. no more ebony and ivory.

so (again) what's the point of the colour of diversity, people?

november rain : 10 years later.

Nothing falls like London Rain

Heather Nova

this november rain really set my mood.

i'm wondering, where will i be in 10 years later?

i wanna see the same rain,
same rainbow,

but

different view,
different street.

wearing trench coat.
holding the umbrella.
walking down London town.

hmm. who knows?

human and construct

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Maya Angelou

every human has their own construct, they only see what they want to see and give meaning by what they've had in their mind.

it makes you, it's you, and me it's me.

i realize that, and thank god, i chose communication as my major, i learn about communication, message, and so forth. this "construct" thing based on constructivism theory. it assumes that human will interpret message by his own knowledge in their mind. it makes an immense effect on our daily relationship with others, right!?

well, this what makes me sometimes do not understand why people complain in everything. don't get me wrong here. i used to be a very bad complainer / grumbler / crybaby / sniveller *you named it* . and at some point, i reached my turning point, someone slapped me right in the face, and woke me up that, i didn't have something to complain about. i have a great life, super-loving-care-hardworking mom, goods to eat, and even comfy blanket to crawl in.

what else?

i mean, i know that i also have imperfection, sometimes i feel kinda mess, and universe seems didn't give any damn thing to support me. but, c'est la vie, right? you will face your ups, but you can't turn your back from your downs. because it what makes you a successful and humble person.

nothing to complain about, fella.

i just read an article in marketeers magazine. it's about twitter and people who likes to complain everything on their tweets. we're not an expertise, nor the perfect person. traffic, floods, accident are not an easy thing to solve. governors with all their bullshits are not God who can fix everything in the same time. it takes time, long time. so, instead of complaining, why we don't start to act in other way, i mean, if you complain on traffic, why don't you move or rent a room which near to your office or campus?

this morning, again, i faced the "come-on-can-you-please-stop-complaining?" moment. but then, i started to let it go, because as i said earlier every human has their own construct. we need to appreciate whatever others think. we can't force others to agree with us. it's a rights.

just start to look at your own attitude. less complaining. start to see that God has given you everything, and there are a lot of unfortunate people out there. if we could save our complain and start to think about them, world especially our states will be a better place. better, but not perfect.

no offense, fella.

“There were people who went to sleep last night,
poor and rich and white and black,
but they will never wake again.

And those dead folks would give anything at all
for just five minutes of this weather
or ten minutes of plowing.

So you watch yourself about complaining.
What you’re supposed to do
when you don’t like a thing is change it.
If you can’t change it,
change the way you think about it”

Maya Angelou